What the fu… Yamucha you’re gay?!
by Serenitatis
Summary: WARNING! SLIGHT YAMUCHA BASHING, AND SHOUNEN-AI! If either of these facts offend you, don't read the story! If not, go ahead & read it. Yamucha+Goku
1. Narrator's POV

TITLE: What the fu… Yamucha you're _gay_?!

AUTHOR: Me. Who else would write such a fic? 

CONTACT INFO: SerenitatisHime@yahoo.com

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the characters used in this fic. I am in no means making any profit whatsoever by writing this.

RATING: I think PG-13 should cover everything…

SPOILERS: None.

PAIRINGS: Yamucha+Goku, Vegita+Goku

SUMMARY: Read the title.

DISTRIBUTION: http://www.fanfiction.net

FEEDBACK: Please? 

ARCHIVE: Ask and ye shall receive.

NOTES: This chapter is very short. Major Yamucha bashing. Don't read if you like him. Please send all flames to SerenitatisHime@yahoo.com

Without further to do, let the bashing begin!! *queue Mortal Combat music* 

                                          **What The Fu….Yamucha You're GAY?!  
  
**

  "Hey Goku!" Yamucha called, walking up to Goku as he trained in front of his house.

  "Hey Yamucha! What brings you here?" Goku said in between push-ups.

  "I dunno… I was kinda lonely, so I thought maybe we could spar or talk or something?"

  "Well Chi Chi's not home.. so I guess she wouldn't mind..." 

  "Kay." 

Yamucha shoved his hands in his pockets, and gazed at Goku longingly. Goku stood up as he dried the sweat from his face with a towel. Goku, oblivious to the fact that Yamucha was checking him out decided to strip off his shirt. 

   "Man! Its hot out today." He said, dropping his orange training gi on the ground.

   "Yeah." Yamucha gulped nervously, and took a few steps closer to Goku. "So where's Chi Chi?" 

   "She's shopping with Bulma… I think…" 

   "Oh.." Yamucha walked casually behind Goku, and placed his hands on his back. "Man, you're pretty tense."

   "Heh I guess." A bewildered Goku responded. 

Yamucha  began massaging the Saiya-Jin's back and neck muscles. 

   "Y-Yamucha… What're you doing?"

   "Giving you a massage.." He breathed in Goku's ear. 

   "Umm okay.."

Yamucha slid his hands downwards until the rested on Goku's butt. "Has anyone ever told you that you have a nice ass?" He laughed softly. Goku blushed at that. 

   "A-are you sure you should be doing… this?" 

Yamucha ignored his question, turning Goku around to face him. He then softly pressed his lips against the Saiya-Jin's. Goku's mouth opened in shock, giving Yamucha the opportunity to slip his tongue inside Goku's mouth. Yamucha continued to plunder the Saiya-jin's mouth until Goku broke the kiss, pulling away in confusion.

   "What the f… Yamucha you're gay?!"  


	2. Goku's POV

**Disclaimer: I do not own them, but that doesn't mean I don't want to own them! MWAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!!**

**Author: Me der….**

**Rating:  PG-13 **

                                                **Goku's POV**

   "Hey Goku!" I heard Yamucha call. 

   "Hey Yamucha!" I glanced at him and continued through my routine. "What brings you here?" I asked him in between push-ups.

   "I dunno… I was kinda lonely, so I thought maybe we could spar or talk or something?" _'He sounds  nervous… I wonder why?'_

   "Well Chi Chi's not home.. so I guess she wouldn't mind..." I replied.

   "Kay." 

I stood up, and grabbed the towel which I had draped around my neck earlier and dried my face. _'When did it get so hot? Its gotta be like 115 degrees out!'_ I thought to myself, and decided to take my shirt off. 

   "Man! Its hot out today." I said, taking my orange training shirt off, and dropping it without a thought. 

   "Yeah." _'Is… is he… nervous? Nah.. What in the world would he be nervous about?    _

"So where's Chi Chi?"_ What a dumb question! Of course she was either shopping, or ummm… shopping!!'_

   "She's shopping with Bulma… I think…" 

   "Oh." He walked over to me and… Kami did… did he just put his hands on my back? 

   "Man, you're pretty tense." _'Did I just hear what I thought I heard? Is he like… coming on to me?! No… no Yamucha isn't gay!! He was with Bulma for a long time… Why would he be with her if he was gay? Of course, he could be bi… Oh. My. GOD.'_

   "Heh I guess." I replied, keeping my mask in place. _'So what if they thought I was an idiot? It only gives me an advantage over them… Wait… What am I thinking?! Advantage?! Mask?! Where the hell did that come from?!! I've been hanging around Vegita to much… Ah… Vegita… My lovely little Prince… No. He is sooooo NOT giving me a… no…'_

   "Y-Yamucha… What're you doing?" _'What in Kami's name _are_ you doing?!'_

   "Giving you a massage." _'WHAT?! No no no no no no no no no no no no no… I like Vegita. Not Yamucha. Vegita. Oh wait… Since he's so damn ignorant he can't see that! Oh yeah…I forgot about his mental state.'_

"Umm okay." _'Ah well… I'll just play the bewildered fool. After all he _is_ kinda my… friend. Chi Chi should be back any minute…Ohmygod… he just touched my…'_

 "Has anyone ever told you that you have a nice ass?" _'Yeah…. There was Chi Chi, Bulma said it once or twice, and I'm sure I've seen Vegita look- wait a minute! Why in Kami's name am I letting him do this?! I could have killed him twice over by now!! Oh wait… He's my… "friend".'_

"A-are you sure you should be doing… this?" _'What. A. Stupid. Question. Of _course_ he's not supposed to be doing this! Did he just turn me around? Why woul- he…is…kissing… me? And that.. is his… tongue?'  _I pulled away, staring at him in confusion. 

"What the f… Yamucha you're gay?!" 


	3. ChiChi's POV

**Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, but that doesn't mean I don't want to own them! MWAHAHAHAHAHH!!!!!!**

**Author: Me and Gokou_chan ^-^ (She hadda help me a little in this part cuz… well… I can't do Chi Chi's POV. She's to dumb. G-chan's e-mail is gokou_chan81@hotmail.com)**

**Rating: PG-13 **

**Disclaimer: Don't own 'em, not making a profit from writing any of this. ^^; **

                                                             **Chi Chi's POV **

   "Goku honey, I'm going out!" I called as I ran out the door. This is gonna be fun! Going shopping with mah girls! _'I haven't done this in ages!!!'_

 "Alright Chi Chi. You gonna be back for lunch?" _'…'_

   "Maybe. If I'm not back in time just eat the leftovers, k?"

   "Okay. Have a good time!" 

   "See ya! By the way if Vegita comes over, spar _outside_ this time okay? I don't want to clean up again!" 

**************

_   'I'm going to check my e-mail when I get home!!! I wonder if that guy e-mailed me back?' _

   "La la la la…" I looked down at my watch. 12:30. Well, I'm not THAT late… I let out a sigh. Oh well. It was only a half hour, right? Maybe Goku had found something to eat already. I hefted the grocery bags I was carrying and took a step into the clearing of our house. Hey, was that Yamucha? _Maybe he'll like to stay for lunch!!! I'll ask him!!!_

  I was about to yell across the clearing my usual cheery hello, when I saw him take a step closer to Goku. Huh? Ok, maybe they were discussing fighting tactics. It was what Goku and his gang usually did. 

  I was about to walk over to them when I saw Yamucha put his hand… on my HUSBAND'S BACK? What the… Ok, was my jaw on the ground? Because if it wasn't, it will be soon. I ducked behind a tree in shock. Yamucha… and my husband? My husband… and… no way. It was impossible! And to prove my point, Goku was wearing the most confused look I'd ever seen anyone wear. Even for him.

  Oh. My. God. He did NOT just put his hand on my poor, sweet, innocent, Goku's BUTT! OK, he is SO uninvited to lunch! _Don't worry Goku honey! Chi Chi's going to save you!_

  I dropped the bags next to me on the ground and stood up, determined to do my best. I leaped from behind the tree and saw… _AHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!!! HE'S FRENCHING MY HUSBAND!!!_

  I'm going to KILL him!

  "What the f… Yamucha, you're GAY?!"


	4. The end...? Probly not ^-^

TITLE: What the fu… Yamucha you're gay?!  
  
AUTHOR: Serenitatis (me! Haven't you figured it out by now?)  
  
CONTACT INFO: SerenitatisHime@yahoo.com  
  
DISCLAIMER: Me no owne DBZ.  
  
RATING: PG-13  
  
PART: 4/?  
  
SPOILERS: Previous chapters.  
  
PAIRING(S): Yamucha+Goku  
  
SUMMARY: Read the title. Yamucha? Yeah. Gay.  
  
DISTRIBUTION: ff.net  
  
FEEDBACK: *blink blink* You wanna give me feedback? REALLY?  
  
ARCHIVE: Ask and ye shall receive.  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES: *scratches head* Uhhh.. no author's notes for now ^^  
  
Narrorator: Previously on What the fu... Yamucha you're gay?!...  
  
~"What the fu... Yamucha you're gay?!"~  
  
Startled, Yamucha blinked rapidly.  
  
"How. DARE. You."  
  
Goku's mouth twitched.  
  
"What in Kami's name do you think you're doing?!"  
  
Yamucha started sweating.  
  
"Goku is MINE! You will not touch him without my permission!"  
  
ChiChi stared, dumbfounded, as Vegita advanced upon the poor unlucky bastard.  
  
"l- let me explain-" Yamucha's plea for mercy was cut short as Vegita grasped him by the throat, cutting off his air. His eyes narrowed in contempt.  
  
"How shall I kill you? Slow and painfully, or fast and quick?"  
  
Goku raised an eyebrow.  
  
Yamucha trembled.  
  
Vegita smirked.  
  
ChiChi blinked.  
  
"Die, you miserable creaton!"  
  
A little girl's scream rang out.  
  
"What the-"  
  
Yamucha's pants dripped with an unknown yellow substance. (A/N: Its not what you think it is! You hentais! O_o)  
  
Goku giggled.  
  
Yamucha whimpered.  
  
Vegita's eye twitched.  
  
ChiChi fell down.  
  
"You disgusting-! You're not even worth the energy I would need to kill you!" Vegita dropped Yamucha. "If I catch you so much as LOOKING in his direction AGAIN, I will tear you apart!"  
  
Yamucha scrambled away.  
  
"Not so fast!" A frying pan glistened in the sun. And enraged ChiChi glared at Yamucha. "Hold 'im for me, Vegita! I want to make... him... PAY."  
  
Vegita raised an eyebrow and grabbed Yamucha by the scruff of his neck.  
  
ChiChi grinned wolfishly and took aim. "Perfect... now hold him steady..."  
  
An unknown brown substance portuded from the back of Yamucha's pants.  
  
Goku's eyes widened.  
  
Vegita's lip curled in distain.  
  
ChiChi bellowed a war cry, and let loose the frying pan.  
  
"Fly true my pretty! Mwahahahahaha!"  
  
Vegita dropped Yamucha and stepped out of harm's way as the cooking utensil embedded itself in the poor bastard's skull with a sickening crunch.  
  
Vegita's eyes lit up as he formed a ki blast.  
  
"This is what you get for touching what is mine. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"  
  
The energy ball enveloped Yamucha as he gave one last girlish shriek.  
  
"Nooooooooo!! I loooooooooved him!"  
  
All eyes turned to the source of the proclamation of love to see a short clown riding a lawn mower enter the clearing.  
  
"Yamucha my love... I shall avenge you!" His head turned all the way around at an unatural angle. He started cackling that unnerving clown laugh of his, and directed his machine of destruction at Goku. That was his last mistake.  
  
"AIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!"  
  
A shadow befell the clearing. 


End file.
